#fuckPutin

Saturday, June 11, 2022

Спи собі сама

fuck, I love Polish…

It’s the very last RTI racery event and I have bitten off more than I can chew… but I always do.

I took yesterday and Monday off - I needed some time to myself and I’m not that busy at work. Plus, it’s the first four days of The Final Battle and I figured that I would cap the first four days.

I had the bright Idea that I would run a mile for every day that Russian has been in Ukraine and donate $1 for each mile. (117 by the end of the event.) I had it planned out perfectly: Four caps would put me at 60 days. I could then cap the final weekend as well, which would push me to 90 before I ran a single mile on a workday.

Well.

I capped yesterday and today… I have not felt like a functional human at all.

I bite my nails. I always have. All the way down to the quick and sometimes a little extra. When I’m super stressed, I always manage to rip the entire nail off one (if not both) of my pinkies.

I saw a hypnotist. I’ve talked about it in therapy. I’ve worn false ones.

And I even bought this shit that was practically guaranteed to keep my fingers out of my mouth.  (Oh. My. God. It was absolutely disgusting… But. It didn’t work.)

Several years ago, I had a great epiphany: I self-harm.

Still haven’t figured out how to get people to understand why I consider it self-harm, but the end result is the same.

Still haven’t figured out how to stop it either.

(Seriously! I saw a fucking hypnotist, I was so desperate to stop doing it. Apparently, I’m so fucked up that they couldn’t figure out a way to help.)

So anyhoo…

In 47 years on this earth, I have never seriously hurt myself. (The pain of a missing fingernail dissipates rather quickly when you’re used to it.)

Well, Thursday night I wound up in Urgent Care.

Managed to rip off my thumbnail and get an infection.

My thumb was swollen to twice it’s normal size and there was a little spot that had turned green.

It was the first time I’d ever been afraid of what I was capable of.

I suppose, in it’s own way, it’s not that much different from a blade slipping and cutting a vein or something.

Of course… in the car Friday morning on the way to the grocery store, I managed to chew off the remaining nails on that hand.

(All that to say I didn’t get in a cap today because I had a bad reaction to the antibiotic they prescribed me.)

This has been on repeat today… I’m not sure why, but it fits my mood perfectly.

 

 

Posted by Matty on 06/11 at 08:01 PM
#fuckPutinbipolarcompletely randompolyglot in trainingukrainian by bloodPermalink

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

чекай мене, коли все це мине

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about this collab, but it is LOVE. The video kills me… it was filmed in Ukraine, sooooo there’s that. The Ukrainian lyrics reference the way families are being torn apart. Like in Taras’ case, the lyrics speak to the way his wife and children fled the country and are currently living somewhere in New Jersey.

Between a shitty, shitty, shitty day at work caused by both AT&T and the US Government, the war in Ukraine (bombing near Lviv - always good for a heart attack), and Roe vs Wade, I’m fucking done.

Oh! And it would have been my mother’s 76th birthday today. I have no trouble picturing an older version of my father, but my mother is forever 46. It’s hard to wrap my head around it.

So yeah. Crappy headspace. Good song. Exhausted Wendell.

Life, in a nutshell.

Posted by Matty on 05/03 at 07:37 PM
#fuckPutinmusic is lifepolyglot in trainingukrainian by bloodPermalink

Sunday, May 01, 2022

УКРАЇНА ПЕРЕМОЖЕ

So.. this has been bouncing around my head for the last few days. It’s really catchy as fuck, and uplifting, and the lyrics make me giggle. Lyrics Translate let me down hardcore, so I’m including the YouTube translation for you.

Leave it to the Ukies to have so much fun with something so terrible. That actually explains a lot about my personality, doesn’t it?

Also, I always lose my shit at Zelenskyy’s wink at the end. ALWAYS.

УКРАЇНА ПЕРЕМОЖЕ

Їхав танк - окупант
На долю неминучу
Башту відірвало йому
Стугною , за Бучу
Полетів окупант ,
Мігом - 35 -м
Для Київського «Привида»
він - здається став 20-м

Горить , палає техніка ворожа рідна Україна переможе
Горить , палає і ще спалахуй Руській корабель іди …Гей, Гей

Ось пливе окупант
В Бердянську десь гальмує
Тепер ворожий десант
Рапанів там годує
Ще про тракторні війска
маю розказати
Бо все ще десь недобре стоїть
Хай буде біля хати

Горить , палає техніка ворожа рідна Україна переможе
Горить , палає і ще спалахуй Руській корабель іди …Гей, Гей

Чорнобаївка є ,
ворогу портал на той світ
Регулярно все , що летить -
завершає там свій політ
Ще лякають ворогів
Наші біо-воїни
Від гусей , курей і голубів
Тікають в різні сторони

Горить , палає техніка ворожа рідна Україна переможе
Горить , палає і ще спалахуй Руській корабель іди …Гей, Гей

      UKRAINE WILL WIN

The occupant was driving a tank, to his inevitable fate…
It’s tower has been torn off by stugna* - for Bucha!

The occupant was flying a plane, the Mig-35…
For the “Kyivian Ghost” he seems to have become the 20th hit.

The enemy’s equipment is burning, burning, bright.
Our motherland Ukraine will win!
Burning bright, and it will burn even brighter!
Russian warship go… hey-hey!

Here comes the occupier. His ship is slowly cruising somewhere in Berdyansk.
Now the enemy navy seals are feeding rapanas* down there.

Also about our tractor troops I have to tell you:
Anything that is left unattended will be then used in our homes and gardens.

The enemy’s equipment is burning, burning, bright.
Our motherland Ukraine will win!
Burning bright, and it will burn even brighter!
Russian warship go… hey-hey!

We also have Chornobaivka*. It’s the portal to another world for our enemies.
Everything that is launched here will regularly have its shameful end here.

We also frighten our enemies with our bio-warriors:
From geese, chickens, and pigeons, they are fleeing in different directions! 

The enemy’s equipment is burning, burning, bright.
Our motherland Ukraine will win!
Burning bright, and it will burn even brighter!
Russian warship go… hey-hey!

*anti-tank guided missile
*Rapana venosa is a large predatory gastropod. (Yikes!)
*The Chornobaivka attacks

 

Posted by Matty on 05/01 at 07:08 PM
#fuckPutinpolyglot in trainingukrainian by bloodPermalink

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Розпочали стрільці українські з ворогами тан


Ой у лузі червона калина похилилася,

Чогось наша славна Україна зажурилася.

А ми тую червону калину підіймемо,

А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!

А ми тую червону калину підіймемо,

А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!


If we’re not Facebook friends, you have missed my ongoing documentation of the war in Ukraine. (Actually, consider yourself lucky we’re not FB friends… I’m so tired of the endless posts about the war, too, but I can’t not share.) I watch the news constantly for attacks on Lviv. On a small village that has no reason to be attacked. On Odesa. Further attacks on Kyiv.

My friends are in Ukraine.

MY FAMILY is in Ukraine.

This is personal.

But anyhoo… I have dissected and ressected (? go with it) and dissected again, my feelings about this. I have compartmentalised and have given my shrinky dink enough material to write a fucking book. And yet the war continues and I continue to learn new things about myself.

Like that stubbornness? The drive to survive at all costs? The ability to be an absolute asshole to anyone who has hurt me?

I used to think it was a side effect of growing up with my mother…

And maybe it is, but not because of the alcoholism.

I’m starting to think that’s not nuture, but nature.

Like it’s encoded in my DNA, passed on from generation to generation of stubborn, survival focused, Ukrainian assholes.

I saw it firsthand: my grandparents, my mother, even my aunt.

I saw it in the rest of the Ukrainian community around Hartford.

I see it in myself.

And I see it in every single Ukrainian person that shows up in my newsfeed, on the news, or on a postage stamp.

One of the things we had planned prior to Putin being a putz was to see Boombox in Miami on March 8th.

Every time this song gets posted, I almost always share the link.

Because I love Andriy Khlyvnyuk (the lead singer). I absolutely adore him and the clip of him singing never ceases to amaze me.

It never ceases to make me feel proud of my heritage - of one of my favourite bands - when this shows up on my newsfeed. To have people who have never heard of Boombox talk about Andriy’s voice, to search out his music… it kind of gives me chills the same way hearing the Ukrainian anthem sung in a plaza in Lviv did. Or hearing it sung at an OE concert at Madison Square Garden, surrounded by a bunch of American born Ukrainian teenagers who weren’t old enough to know a Ukraine under Soviet rule.

And then, there’s Antytila. Who have also gone viral, thanks to Ed Sheeran.

There are so many clips of lead singer Taras Topolya singing on news shows, just speaking about the war, how his family is somewhere in the West…

But I’m going to end this post with a fun video.

I mean, how many bands can lay claim to having Zelenskyy, the fucking President of their country, in one of their music videos?

And he’s absolutely hysterical in it, but you can decide for yourself:

 

Posted by Matty on 04/16 at 10:35 AM
#fuckPutincompletely randomukrainian by bloodPermalink

Sunday, March 27, 2022

Країна – більше за будь-яке зло

Kyiv Independent - 27.03.2022

Скільки печалей і скільки морок, і ти вже не можеш ступити крок, і вже зупиняєш серце, рахуючи втрати.

І так нам бракує добрих вістей в країні, в якій так багато дітей знають як варто жити й за що помирати.

 



Країна, яка не тримає зла. Країна, яка тут завжди була.

Країна, в яку повертають дощі, про яку так легко писати вірші.

Діти вертають в свої доми.

Знову горять, горять мости і зводяться стіни, але тримають нам горішні основи діти, які, які проросли в небо країни.

Діти, що стали нам продовженням мови.

Що то є життя, в чому його кошт? більше сльози не течуть просто очі залив дощ.
Він може змиє бруд сухий, змиє попіл до кінця... Але не змиє слід історії з молодого лиця.

Країна Дітей (Okean Elzy version)

Posted by Matty on 03/27 at 11:15 AM
#fuckPutinpolyglot in trainingukrainian by bloodPermalink
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