superwholockian

Sunday, November 03, 2019

I run to be free

I don’t even know how many miles all those medals total…

Last year, after the Universal 5K Fun Run (in December), I wrote a blog entry about how proud I was about my 80 intentional miles and how 35 of those counted towards HRC / WRC medals.

Yesterday, while closing the Nike Run Club app, I noticed that I’ve done 275 intentional miles since Spring Quidditch (in May). My medal rack went from empty to OMG, I need a new one.

Virtual runs. Fandoms. I’ve been made fun of more than once for one/the other/both… but the changes they’ve made in me have been nothing short of amazing.

I didn’t make my ten miles yesterday, and I’m still hoping I can jump from 37 to 50 miles so I can match my Spring Quidditch totals. Right now, that would move me from 274 to 181 in a field of 780 people. (If my math is correct, that would put me in the top 25%! WTAF?)

That’s an accomplishment I never thought I’d reach.

#ForBill is more than a rallying cry to a group of people who lost the House Cup by three points. #Quidditch is more than a bunch of people putting up insane miles over ten days in order for bragging rights. #Hogwarts is more than a castle. #Ravenclaw is more than just a House… It’s family. It’s home.

When we talk about #somuchgood, it’s not necessarily about the fundraising we do for charity… it’s also about the changes we make in ourselves.

Posted by Matty on 11/03 at 04:48 PM
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Saturday, November 02, 2019

*poof*

my binder in scrivener actually has a folder of ‘shit that needs holy water’

It’s November 2nd, which means I’m one day late in starting my NaNoWriMo project.

I wasn’t going to do NaNo this year between running and trying to get myself back into Ukrainian, but my little Yuri On Ice fan fic grew into nineteen chapters and got completely and utterly fucked at about chapter 8. Ten chapters to rewrite…

And then I reread the first 8 chapters and there are too many breadcrumbs leading up to the trainwreck.

I should plot instead of pants.

43,400+ words later, I have the plot but have to do some extensive rewriting. Changing the POV, bringing the characters back IN character. Oh,it is SO. FUCKING. BAD.

I joked on FB that there’s a difference between delete and rewrite and sprinkling some holy water in order to exorcise the bad writing.

I wish I could get away with the holy water… The power of Christ compels you to not be an utter an complete waste of FORTY THREE THOUSAND WORDS!!!!

Too bad life’s not a shitty horror movie and bad writing is harder to get rid of.

Maybe I shouldn’t have read Line and Verse (From Almaty, With Love) before editing.

 

——-


Facebook reminded me that today was the day I found out my boss sold me out to the CFO the day I told him I was bipolar… and that she felt she had to walk on eggshells around me. For over a year.

I’d already asked for a private office, invoking the ADA, and was working frantically with my shrink to get the worst of it under control, but the damage had been done.

Thirteen days from today, they would come into my office at noon and tell me to leave. That I’d be allowed back after I met with their doctor.

Their doctor who made shit up and resulted in writing the report that got me fired.

Everybody who read his report knew it was nothing but lies, but there was nothing I could do. My own doctor was “biased” and not worth talking to.

I thought about suing them and I thought about going after the doctor… but in the end, I didn’t want to fight. I knew how they would talk about me and I couldn’t live with the thought that I’d be that person.

Instead, I live with a case of ‘what ifs’ and some pretty deeply rooted shame.

I can’t help that I’m bipolar. I can’t help that it flared despite my best efforts. I can’t even help the fact that it fucked me so hard that I will probably never recover. Therapy didn’t do shit (and I tried, oh did I try!) and the drugs didn’t work. So I keep on keepin’ on.

It’s all I know how to do.

 

——-


Speaking of the bipolar, I’ve found that running clears my head in a way that the drugs can’t… so I’m doing yet another Racery event. (Spring Quidditch, Battle of the Fandoms 1 & 2, The Whovian Running Club’s Fall Racery event, The Chilton Running Club’s Road Trip, and now, Fall Quidditch.)

It’s a great way to push me to my limits, which I really need right now because I am woefully unprepared for the half I’m running in December.

 

——-


In happier news, I decided to create my own NaNo tracker.

I need to find better Yurio quotes, but I think it’s oddly fitting given that I’m rewriting ‘The Death of the Russian Fairy’. (Which is a working title that I’m not in love with…)

 

Isn’t it awesome? I’m pretty proud of the way I made GoogleSheets my bitch.

Posted by Matty on 11/02 at 10:27 AM
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Sunday, August 18, 2019

The only Eleven that matters… with a side of sexy Kazakh ice skater

wish i could take credit for that background…

I should be running right now, but I’m stalling… I’ve been writing YOI fan fiction all day and I can’t seem to stop.

Thought switching gears might help. A different voice, different situation… something to pull me out of that headspace so that I can go run.

Not that it’s a bad thing, mind you. I’ve just never had the words flow so easily since moving to Florida. Every attempt at fanfic has gone off the rails somewhere, but today? Today was perfect.

It started out as 3rd person omniscient and was about the Yurio/Yuuri/Victor OT3, but then Otabek came along. Now I’m suddenly writing Otayuri with a side of Victurri mostly from Yuri Plisetsky’s POV (still 3rd person omni to a point, but mostly from the kotenok’s point of view). And fuck. I’m learning Russian as I go. And Kazakh. And Japanese.

Who ever said that writing fan fiction wasn’t a worthy hobby?

 

- - - - - - - - - - -

Things came to a head at work on Friday.

I got a promotion. A better title than the positions I would be interviewing for.

Nothing’s guaranteed, but there will be a meeting on Monday that has the opportunity to drastically change the atmosphere in the Finance Department.

I think I’m going to stay and see what happens.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

This is part of the reason I can’t get the words to stop… Beka’s face about 1:40… DAMN.

 

 

Posted by Matty on 08/18 at 07:33 PM
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Sunday, August 11, 2019

Crossroads

oh, my heart

Did a 5K yesterday. 91 degrees, 91 percent humidity. Ending up speed walking it because I’m not used to being on pavement. (That treadmill was either the best idea or the worst… I think, after yesterday, it might be the worst. I can’t do roads.)

Ended up 15 seconds slower than my personal IRL best, so I guess I can’t complain. Didn’t come in dead last, either, so I guess that’s something.

My medal rack is filling up. Even if the majority of those medals are from virtual races.

Of course, I’m still cranky that some one said I was “virtually” running the Random Tuesday races.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get over that.

 

——-

I’m getting a part-time job and hoping that helps me change some things in my life.

The sooner we pay this house off, the sooner we’re moving back to New England. (Well, I’m moving, at least. We’ll see what he decides. LOL) I’ve got us on a ten year plan that seems to be working, but with this job? We can do it in seven. That’s not bad with a 30 year mortgage. Of course, we’ve already been in the house a year, so… it’s more like an eight year plan, I guess.

At the very least, the side hustle will pay for race registrations.

At the moment, I’ve got the Palm Beach 5K and Half in December, the Disney half in January, the Rival Run Weekend in April and the Dopey in 2021 planned. I want to fit in the Sunrise and Miami Half Marathons as well. They’re expensive and I don’t have a cheering section at the moment, so who knows. It’s lonely crossing a finish line with no one at the end to cheer you (specifically) on. I hate the idea of doing a half locally and not having anyone there. There’s always crowds of Random Tuesday folks at Disney, so that should be OK.

 

——-

Shit hit the fan at work on Thursday. I took Friday off and spent the day soul searching and fighting a migraine.

Definitely not something I’d do again, seeing how all that thinking made the headache worse.

But, the decision’s been made and now it’s up to someone else to decide what happens.

If they want to continue to run a department where tempers flare ALL THE TIME then they can. I won’t be a part of it.

If they want to run a department that’s pleasant and where work actually gets done, I’ll stay.

I’m tired of getting in the middle of shit because I’m the one everyone vents to.

In the meantime, I’m going to hang out with my imaginary friends and control their lives… whether that’s the Sims or via fanfic, I have no idea, but living in a fictional world seems like a better idea than living in the real one today.

Posted by Matty on 08/11 at 11:56 AM
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Friday, July 26, 2019

I can speak French, too

I needed that laugh so much today…

So. Racery.

Nerf Herders came in first for both the quickest lap around New Zealand and then came in first for the most miles completed. I don’t have the exact numbers, but a lap was something like 1,400 miles. We did 4,444.0. Seriously. May the fours be with you…

Speaking of the OG Fandom, guess who dropped an insane amount of money to run ALL the Rival Run races?

5K? Hell yeah!

10K? Bring it on.

Half marathon? LET’S DO THIS!

Virtual Half? Pew, pew, pew!

Who needs to buy food and pay the mortgage when there are Disney races to be run?

Posted by Matty on 07/26 at 08:22 PM
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