Saturday, August 24, 2019

Crazy is as crazy does

There’s so much to say and so much that shouldn’t be said online…

I don’t talk about the things that really matter to me. Generally, my husband is off limits except for where he plays a small bit part. Today is… different.

As of today, we’ve made it seventeen years as a married couple. It’s been twenty one since we met.

I’ve put him through SO. MUCH. SHIT.

Having him move in within weeks of meeting. Kicking him out of the house we shared. Getting him to come back. The way I fell apart after my dad died. The struggles as I dealt with the bipolar diagnosis. All the crap that went along with that. The move to New England. His joining the Dead Parents Club as a full member. More of my bipolar bullshit… (Meds work. They don’t work. It’s a crap shoot.) The move to Florida for my dream job. The stress that the move caused. The worst bipolar “attack” in years that resulted in my asking for an ADA accommodation. The termination in retaliation for that. The new job. The fact that eight months after that, I’m looking for another new job…

Fuck. I don’t deserve him. He could do so much better than me.

So that new job?

Interviewed and hired within a day.

It’s a huge risk, but it has the two things that are most important to me - a relaxed dress code (jeans), and a quiet working space.

I know. Dress code shouldn’t matter but seeing how my current employer made a point to have a powerpoint presentation created to enforce a completely ridiculous dress code? Yeah. I have a coworker who gets in more trouble for violating said dress code than the two bullies do for being assholes.

While I’m talking about the bullies… there was a meeting on Monday and things got worse. MUCH worse. My back hurts from all the stab wounds… and I wasn’t even the one responsible for what happened. Instead, we’re expected to meet with the Controller every Monday as a team, then individually during the week. HR wants us to sit in a circle, hold hands, and sing Kumbaya. Team building doesn’t work when it’s four people working against each other. It would make everything worse.

It was them or me. All the promotions in the world couldn’t change the atmosphere in the pod, so…

If I can’t change the people around me, I change the people around me.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

The only Eleven that matters… with a side of sexy Kazakh ice skater

I should be running right now, but I’m stalling… I’ve been writing YOI fan fiction all day and I can’t seem to stop.

Thought switching gears might help. A different voice, different situation… something to pull me out of that headspace so that I can go run.

Not that it’s a bad thing, mind you. I’ve just never had the words flow so easily since moving to Florida. Every attempt at fanfic has gone off the rails somewhere, but today? Today was perfect.

It started out as 3rd person omniscient and was about the Yurio/Yuuri/Victor OT3, but then Otabek came along. Now I’m suddenly writing Otayuri with a side of Victurri mostly from Yuri Plisetsky’s POV (still 3rd person omni to a point, but mostly from the kotenok’s point of view). And fuck. I’m learning Russian as I go. And Kazakh. And Japanese.

Who ever said that writing fan fiction wasn’t a worthy hobby?

Things came to a head at work on Friday.

I got a promotion. A better title than the positions I would be interviewing for.

Nothing’s guaranteed, but there will be a meeting on Monday that has the opportunity to drastically change the atmosphere in the Finance Department.

I think I’m going to stay and see what happens.

This is part of the reason I can’t get the words to stop… Beka’s face about 1:40… DAMN.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Crossroads

Did a 5K yesterday. 91 degrees, 91 percent humidity. Ending up speed walking it because I’m not used to being on pavement. (That treadmill was either the best idea or the worst… I think, after yesterday, it might be the worst. I can’t do roads.)

Ended up 15 seconds slower than my personal IRL best, so I guess I can’t complain. Didn’t come in dead last, either, so I guess that’s something.

My medal rack is filling up. Even if the majority of those medals are from virtual races.

Of course, I’m still cranky that some one said I was “virtually” running the Random Tuesday races.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get over that.

I’m getting a part-time job and hoping that helps me change some things in my life.

The sooner we pay this house off, the sooner we’re moving back to New England. (Well, I’m moving, at least. We’ll see what he decides. LOL) I’ve got us on a ten year plan that seems to be working, but with this job? We can do it in seven. That’s not bad with a 30 year mortgage. Of course, we’ve already been in the house a year, so… it’s more like an eight year plan, I guess.

At the very least, the side hustle will pay for race registrations.

At the moment, I’ve got the Palm Beach 5K and Half in December, the Disney half in January, the Rival Run Weekend in April and the Dopey in 2021 planned. I want to fit in the Sunrise and Miami Half Marathons as well. They’re expensive and I don’t have a cheering section at the moment, so who knows. It’s lonely crossing a finish line with no one at the end to cheer you (specifically) on. I hate the idea of doing a half locally and not having anyone there. There’s always crowds of Random Tuesday folks at Disney, so that should be OK.

Shit hit the fan at work on Thursday. I took Friday off and spent the day soul searching and fighting a migraine.

Definitely not something I’d do again, seeing how all that thinking made the headache worse.

But, the decision’s been made and now it’s up to someone else to decide what happens.

If they want to continue to run a department where tempers flare ALL THE TIME then they can. I won’t be a part of it.

If they want to run a department that’s pleasant and where work actually gets done, I’ll stay.

I’m tired of getting in the middle of shit because I’m the one everyone vents to.

In the meantime, I’m going to hang out with my imaginary friends and control their lives… whether that’s the Sims or via fanfic, I have no idea, but living in a fictional world seems like a better idea than living in the real one today.