Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Remission would be nice…

after a few entries without pix, i give you the cumberbabe

“10 years ago my mental illness got so bad that I finally got help. At first it was worse, then it was better, then worse again. Now I fluctuate, waiting out the darkness, reminding myself that depression lies and that it’s a medical condition that I never asked for, quietly battling with tiny demons in my head…until it suddenly passes and the drugs kick in or the seratonin settles or the demons get bored and then HALLELUJAH I’m alive again and things are good and I remind myself that this, this, THIS is real and this is worth waiting for each time.

One day I know that they’ll will find a cure for whatever it is in my head that randomly and unexpectedly clouds things up and makes life turn into a pale, cardboard imitation. One day they’ll find a cure. A drug that works. A shot that makes the demons go away.

A remission.”

I love knowing that, because of The Bloggess, her friends and followers, I’ve found my tribe. For me it’s been 12 years since the bipolar diagnosis, and there are dark times when every day is a struggle to remember that the depression side lies.

Her openness about her flavors of crazy is why I choose to share what I’m going through. No one should go through this shit alone and it’s only by being honest with ourselves (and others) that we find out that we really aren’t alone in all of this.


Now, to offset the seriousness…

You know you’re reading too much PWP fanfiction, when the label on the bottle of butter flavoured popcorn TOPPING oil makes you giggle for about 20 minutes.



What the fuck is wrong with me?

Posted by Matty on 10/30 at 02:02 PM
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I may have bitten off more than I can chew

Charlie Burgess from Black Mountain Symphony - acoustic performance of “Shipwreck”

THIS is why i drive to albany (and other places) as much as i do.


NaNo starts on Friday, and I have a very busy weekend so it’s not going to get off to a great start.

I think the Zodiac storyline is going to be difficult to pull off and maybe I should stick to the 30 Day OTP Challenge. I’m so frustrated by my indecision that it’s disgusting. I haven’t done a thing to prep more for the Zodiac fic other than doing some quick one shots and 221Bs to get back in the habit of writing Johnlock. ARGH!


In other news, I have two interviews tomorrow, Frankenstein (staring Benedict Cumberbatch!!!!!!!) that night, BU hockey on Friday, and Black Mountain Symphony on Saturday. PLUS another interview on Monday.

(When it rains it pours, but I’m not complaining.)


The title of the last entry (“I write because I don’t know what else to do with myself”) came from a diary entry I wrote during a very bad time. If you couldn’t tell, I write kind of balls out when I get all deep and personal. It’s worse when I write offline because I know no one will ever see that.

I love that line so much that I can’t even… It’s so true.


Off to go look for more jobs. And do laundry. And proofread “PARIS”. And research the two companies I’m interviewing with tomorrow.

I don’t think my life could get more exciting.

Posted by Matty on 10/30 at 10:45 AM
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