Wednesday, May 08, 2013

My demons include a ruck filled with four bricks…


oddly fitting (which i originally spelled as oodly. no more doctor who for me.)

GORUCK published a training guide and a post-Challenge review. Here’s the light version’s review.

THIS is what I’m in doing in July.

This makes me feel slightly more psychotic than I usually do.

The best part of all this?

If I survive the Light, I’m going to do the full-on Challenge towards the end of the year.

Then, I think, I’m going to retire… but who knows?

Although, if one more person tells me I’m going to die trying and I definitely wouldn’t survive a Tough Mudder, I just going to laugh at them. I’m not interested in doing a Tough Mudder and it’s not that I’m afraid of them. It’s just not my thing. I’m going to figure out how to survive this. I still haven’t figured out how, but I’m going to survive it.

I still can’t explain why the GORUCK challenge is so important to me, but it is.

I’ve been married to that damn ruck since it arrived and I’ve filled it with my bricks. I honestly can’t recommend walking around with a ruck filled with bricks, but I can tell you, I’ve never had a bag break in nearly as quickly. It’s VERY comfortable to wear.


After all my tumblr/Cumberbatch obsession here, it feels weird to write a personal entry. But here’s a personal one for you. I hope you enjoyed it…

Posted by Matty on 05/08 at 10:37 AM

Monday, May 06, 2013

*snorts* // *squees* // *giggles*


it’s almost like he’s saying “dafuq?”


I’ve been against temping because I can’t make the amount of money I need to make to… I don’t know. Keep a roof over my head, maybe? Plus, there’s the whole issue of taking time off to interview for a “real” job.

I did the math this weekend, and as long as I earn more than $10.67/hour, I’ll be making more in a 40 hour week than I would if I were sitting on my ass collecting unemployment.

That’s really sobering, considering I was making well over that before The Great Life Altering Screw Over of February 2013.

I’m going to a temp agency tomorrow. One I’ve dealt with before and I know they have positions I can do, that actually pay more than that.

I guess we’ll have to see what happens.

Posted by Matty on 05/06 at 04:32 PM
completely randomPermalink

Oh! Look! It’s one of my pictures!


it looks different now than it did in 1975:: edgartown, MA 2011 (?)

I will forever respect you if you recognize this intersection.


I’ve been struggling with the end of my fan fic because, really, I am shit with endings. (See NaNos that NEVER end.)

I came up with this this morning:
“Little did John know, Sherlock had deleted the fact that the Earth revolved around the sun. It only came to light when the star burning far above, at the center of their solar system, was about to explode, and in that hot flash just before the end, none of it would really matter. Not the lady in pink, not the Hounds of Baskerville. Definitely not The Woman or Moriarty. None of their sacrifices. Nothing would make much difference in the grand scheme of things. Not in this universe anyway.”

Granted, it’s not original, because I totally stole the non-Sherlock text from my favorite little shit, Orion, but I like it any way:
“Little did he know, the sun - the star burning far above, at the center of their solar system - was about to explode, and in that hot flash just before the end, none of it would really matter. Not Henry back home. Not the girl. None of their sacrifices. Nothing would make much difference in the grand scheme of things. Not in this universe anyway.”

It cracks me up because that bit about Sherlock deleting the information about the solar system is canon-compliant both in the ACD and BBC universes and it fits so well with Orion’s original ending.

The dedication to my fan fic? Easy peasy, mac and cheesy:
For Orion, who let me mangle his suggested ending for this so that it would comply with canon. For my moose and little man, who keep life interesting. For that guy I live with, who… well… fucked if I know.


Guinness hurt his shoulder at day care last Monday, so he and I have been chilling since I got let go (laid off? quit?) last Wednesday. He’s big, he’s energetic, and he’s BORED. If he were Sherlock (either canon), he’d be shooting at the wall. Hopefully, he’ll make me believe he’s fine so that he can go back tomorrow.


Rewatching Nine’s episodes of Doctor Who. What a cheeky little bastard. I totally appreciate him more now that I’ve seen the progression from Nine to Eleven. David Tennant will always be my favorite, because… adorable!... but I totally love all three of them. I just wish I could get into the earlier episodes. I want to know, specifically, what people saw in Four. Maybe it’s the era they were filmed in, but zzzzzzzzzzzz.


And with that, I’m off to search for more jobs.

Posted by Matty on 05/06 at 01:12 PM
completely randomFriendsso many fandomsPermalink

Sunday, May 05, 2013

Do what makes you feel good…


i made another thing


I was told I was too old to spend hours on tumblr with the teenagers.

I was told I was too old to obsess over actors.

I was told I was too old to obsess over fictional characters.

I was told I was too old to write fan fic.

I’d like to point out that I’m NOT to old to find an escape from the noise in my head.

If I need to regress, then I’m going to fucking regress.

I buried a post about my version of self-harm in a flurry of fandom posts… because I didn’t want it found, even though I made it public.

I’m a walking contradiction. I know. It’s part of my charm.

When I get like this (on the fringe of The Ick), I’ll do anything to laugh or otherwise distract myself. Otherwise, the voices in my head drown out everything worth hearing. I’ve talked about them, sometimes too much, but they’re always there. When I’m manic, they tell me to do stupid, reckless things. When I’m depressed, they tell me to do stupid, reckless things. Since basically I reduce myself to blogging when I get like this, I don’t get a whole of distraction from other people. (I almost said ‘stimulation’. That’s something COMPLETELY different. Freudian slip, much?)

That’s not to say that I don’t have people reaching out to me and keeping me sane. That’s not to say I don’t have other outlets that will keep me distracted.

On my list of distractions is listening to “Cabin Pressure” - it never fails to crack me up.  (Yes, it includes Benedict Cumberbatch, but that’s besides the point.)

Seriously, how can you NOT laugh with dialogue like this:

Arthur: Aha, my signature dish. Behold! Surprising Rice.
Douglas: Good lord!
Martin: What are those bits?
Arthur: Ah, you see, Skipper, if you don’t mind me saying so, that question is entirely against the spirit of Surprising Rice.


Long story short…be patient with me and my non-stop fangirling.

I’m going to get better soon.

And things should change around here.


Posted by Matty on 05/05 at 04:40 PM
bipolarso many fandomsPermalink

Saturday, May 04, 2013

C’est fini…


johnlock… what else?

I want to throw a party.

My Johnlock fic is DONE.

(And I didn’t revert to writing pr0n when I got stuck. It’s strictly brOTP!Lock!!!)

In thirty-ish years of writing various stories, this is only the third one I’ve finished (outside of school assignments).


It’s definitely the longest at 13K+ words. (I’ve never been able to wrap up a NaNoWriMo project in 50K words, although I probably could have been able to.)

And if I submit it to, it will be the second one I’ve ever let other people read.

The first was “Scott and Kate” - a heavily dramatized retelling of a night with Soulmate Boy - and only C-Rollz got to read it. He’ll be the only person to ever read it because his reaction… OMG. I can’t even… he killed me. With kindness, but still. It was intense. Maybe because it’s such a personal tale? I don’t know, but damn. He had me in tears.

I’d like to have it beta’d and brit-picked before it goes live, but I don’t know how realistic that goal is.

In the meantime, I’m just going to sit here and be proud of myself.

Posted by Matty on 05/04 at 09:24 PM
#threewordsso many fandomsPermalink
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