Sunday, May 05, 2013

Do what makes you feel good…

i made another thing

Hmrph.

I was told I was too old to spend hours on tumblr with the teenagers.

I was told I was too old to obsess over actors.

I was told I was too old to obsess over fictional characters.

I was told I was too old to write fan fic.

I’d like to point out that I’m NOT to old to find an escape from the noise in my head.

If I need to regress, then I’m going to fucking regress.

I buried a post about my version of self-harm in a flurry of fandom posts… because I didn’t want it found, even though I made it public.

I’m a walking contradiction. I know. It’s part of my charm.

When I get like this (on the fringe of The Ick), I’ll do anything to laugh or otherwise distract myself. Otherwise, the voices in my head drown out everything worth hearing. I’ve talked about them, sometimes too much, but they’re always there. When I’m manic, they tell me to do stupid, reckless things. When I’m depressed, they tell me to do stupid, reckless things. Since basically I reduce myself to blogging when I get like this, I don’t get a whole of distraction from other people. (I almost said ‘stimulation’. That’s something COMPLETELY different. Freudian slip, much?)

That’s not to say that I don’t have people reaching out to me and keeping me sane. That’s not to say I don’t have other outlets that will keep me distracted.

On my list of distractions is listening to “Cabin Pressure” - it never fails to crack me up.  (Yes, it includes Benedict Cumberbatch, but that’s besides the point.)

Seriously, how can you NOT laugh with dialogue like this:

Arthur: Aha, my signature dish. Behold! Surprising Rice.
Douglas: Good lord!
Martin: What are those bits?
Arthur: Ah, you see, Skipper, if you don’t mind me saying so, that question is entirely against the spirit of Surprising Rice.

So.

Long story short…be patient with me and my non-stop fangirling.

I’m going to get better soon.

And things should change around here.

Maybe.