Sunday, April 14, 2013

Shit’s about to get real, yo.

So… In the past two days, I posted about trying to see the depression through someone else’s eyes and coming out of the bipolar closet, and then this happened:

But, the point here is I’m absolutely stunned at what’s out there, the shaming of it all. I’ve been always up front about my melancholic nature because I don’t think it’s helpful living “in a closet” about any big aspect of your life - and it helps people understand that it’s not their fault, nor mine, though I make every attempt to keep the depression hounds out of the lives of others.

and this:

A friend of mine suggested that I write something from my point of view because, surprisingly, I manage to give an outwards impression of having my shit together. I was shocked to hear this. And I find this comical, but I see her point. I’m functioning. I’ve adapted. I’m surprisingly okay. I think the medical term is “resilient”.

and this:

The thing is, we never speak up around this kind of foolishness, we never talk back to the Naturally Happy people who keep telling us what to do and how to be. And I’ve made some promises to some people to find the words to retort this endless and unhelpful cycle of feeling worse because we can’t just adopt better habits.

Damn.

Should I revisit the depression? The crushing soul sucking depression that being unemployed brought on? Should I talk about the nonstop crying?

Yes.

I’m always going to discuss it. I’m always going to link to things that sum up the depression in ways I can’t.

Why?

Because it needs to be said. Because we need to remove the stigma.

Because depression lies.

Because none of us are alone.

(I guess this means I’m coming out of the closet when someone asks about Katniss on Monday.)

I can’t help myself

As if I needed another reason…

“I’m so sick of saying the words gay and lesbian. Can we just — people. I’m so tired of that. One day I want my son to come home from school and be like, I found this guy and I love him. And I’m gonna be like yes, you do, and that’s okay.”

(I thought I’d break up the BBC spam with some JHutch. He’s cute and smart.)

I brought all my toys to work yesterday and finally set up my desk. It felt weird to bring my red dress picture and my Katniss action figure if only because now I have to explain the story behind them. I’m not ready to come out of the closet yet. Yeah, I’m afraid to come out of the closet.

Kind of ironic, isn’t it?

So… now I’m featuring Peeta on my blog to compliment the importance of Katniss in my life.

Makes sense.