Saturday, January 28, 2012

Holy Fuck Y’all

So. I just bought myself a red dress.

A real red dress.

J’s going to think I’m insane… I’m pretty sure that if he needs THIS to clue him in, he hasn’t been paying attention to me for the last elebenty million years.

I’m not sure where I should debut it. A BU game? Fiddle night? Work? NashCon?

The plan is to pass it on to someone when I’ve gotten what I need out of it. (Unless of course it makes me look incredibly sexxy. Then, I’m never taking it off!).

Fuck the little black dress. The red dress is IT.

Posted by Matty on 01/28 at 11:48 PM

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The mind-numbing adventures of a fussy eater

Long time friends know well just how fussy an eater I am.

We’re talking fast food escapes once I find out that lunch/dinner has a single ingredient I don’t like, don’t think I like or know I don’t want to like. We’re talking saying, “That’s OK. I’m not hungry,” when, in fact, I am starving.

It’s bad, but I’ve always been able to work around it or have had family members willing to tolerate my running out on a Big Deal Dinner to grab a burger.

If you’ve not been under a rock, you’re aware that there’s this diet/lifestyle change that involves removing all the gluten from your diet.

I worked with someone who has celiac disease and I’ve worked with people who were gluten-free because their kids had to be.

Then, I was told I HAD to read a book called “Wheat Belly”.

Then, we switched Apache to Guinney’s food. G’s food is ALL protein with very little grain. Apache lost so much weight on the food, the vet was afraid something was seriously wrong with him.

All the research I’ve done, and the unintended experiment with the dogs, kind of made me want to try going gluten-free. Weight-loss aside, there’s a lot to be said about a diet plan that has been proven to affect both autistic and schizophrenic personalities in positive ways.

I know this isn’t the key to the kingdom of Weight Loss AND Bipolar control, but what the hell? What’s the worst that can happen?

So… I’m baby-stepping into it. I don’t NEED to do this but I WANT to do it.

Not only am I trying to limit the gluten I eat, I’m trying to find more gluten-free things to eat that aren’t in my normal diet.

1)  Eating more fruits other than red delicious apples - I branched out into oranges yesterday! I ended up wearing a lot of the juice, but it was tasty.

2)  Eating more things that are gluten-free but out of my limited menu - I mean, holy shit! I tried American cheese yesterday on my turkey sammich, too! (That’s the first time I’ve ever had American cheese that wasn’t in a grilled cheese sammich. I like grilled cheese sammiches, but I have to forget they’re made out of cheese. Shut up.)

I’m telling you, I’m a crazy person.

However, Cheddar cheese and I… we don’t get along so well.

That’s not too bad—three new things and only one made me gag.

Slow and steady should get me where I need to be without the all or nothing confines of Weight Watchers, or other diet plans…

Posted by Matty on 01/26 at 03:24 PM

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Electroshock therapy

We ended up moving to a training collar on Guinness.

We’ve tested it on ourselves, and the shocks aren’t that bad.  They actually don’t hurt - even at the higher settings. It’s more of a phone vibrating in your pocket type of thing.

It seems to be working, and we’ve found a trainer that we like. The first one was all warm and fuzzy, and between her constant reminders to be nice, she was pulling more guilt trips than were reasonable. I know we’re shitty puppy parents and that Guinness is much different from either of the Aussies. He’s a lot more work and we’re doing what we can to adapt to his needs.

But this thing with the cat.

It’s getting ridiculous.

She paws at the bedroom door, meowing, all night long. It excites Guinney, and then he attacks the door. Hard. With full volume barking.

The new (mean) trainer and the training collar have actually been huge. When he flies upstairs to go after her, a quick shock and a “downstairs”, and he’s back with us in the living room.

If you had ever told me I’d be working with a trainer like ours and shocking my puppy when he tries to kill the cat, I would have told you you were out of your mind. (Seriously. It doesn’t look like play and even if it was, he’s too big and too strong to play nicely with someone that little.) But, desperate times and all that. Guinney is big and strong. He’s got a few schutzhund champions, police dogs, and show dogs in his blood. He’s more fearless than pretty and the breeder was going to keep him as a stud. At the last minute, they received a dog from Germany to replace him. Yeah, they’re pretty hardcore.

In the two weeks we’ve been working with him and the collar, we’ve seen a lot of improvement.

And that’s been totally worth it.

Posted by Matty on 01/22 at 12:14 PM

Thursday, January 19, 2012

You either get it or you don’t. There’s no middle ground.

I posted on Facebook that I was going to decorate my office in silver ribbons. While wearing a red dress.

The high school honey responded that there was no way in hell I’d wear a dress.

He was right, but he completely missed the point.

I refuse to be a victim of mental illness and, truth be told, this has been a particularly bad week on the bipolar roller coaster. My mood swings have been pretty rapid and deadly to those who get in my path at the highest and lowest points.

If you read here pretty regularly, you know that the Bloggess’/Jenny’s blog entry I posted a while ago was REALLY important to me. It really helped me fully understand that I wasn’t the only one who feels the way I do. I can’t self-harm PHYSICALLY because blood grosses me out, but the EMOTIONAL damage I do to myself is brutal.

I was serious about the silver ribbon thing - I want to put a big one right where I can see it. For that reminder that I should never give up.

The red dress thing was more symbolic. I want to do something crazy and empowering. Something that is me reclaiming my life. To stop accepting the bipolar as the pain in the ass it is. I know I can’t change it - I can only control it. When biology trumps science, I need that reminder that I can get beyond this. That I will get past this rough patch.

That I will survive.

Posted by Matty on 01/19 at 08:16 AM

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I totally feel like Hayden right now…


she was at my door ten minutes ago. :: what?! oh, shit! was she pissed?

Tonight, I’m rocking a fucking migraine like it’s a chair.




Posted by Matty on 01/18 at 09:26 PM
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