Sunday, November 27, 2011

Maybe this is why I ship Violate so hard


I don’t think it’s possible to save someone from themselves… but you might be able to give them enough of a lifeline so that they can save themselves.

Posted by Matty on 11/27 at 07:05 PM

Weight off my shoulders


matt cohen (young john winchester) :: spn boscon :: august 2011

I love this picture - I was taking pictures during karaoke, and he stopped in front of me. Didn’t move until I snapped the photo. Then, I got a hug and he went to wherever he was going… I think that’s about the time he started dancing on the chairs with Chad.

Oh, happy memories…

J just walked in on me writing the following:

I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to write. I’ve known where you’ve been for a while now. (The state has an inmate search available on their website. Isn’t that nice of them?)

I guess I’ve been trying to come to terms with everything we’ve been through together and how I really feel like I failed you. Part of me feels like I did reach you and that, maybe, if I tried harder, you wouldn’t have pulled the stupid stunt that got you where you are today. Then, there’s a part of me that thinks you were so far gone that I wouldn’t have been able to do anything…

I’m so so so sorry I walked away from you again.

I know I’m a jerk for opening this wound up, but I can’t shake - haven’t been able to shake - the feeling that deep down, we still need each other.

I’m thinking about you. I hope you’re doing well (as well as can be).  I’m here if you’d like to reconnect.

Love, me

It’s not the best thing I’ve ever written, and I’m sure he’ll write back… I AM a jerk for opening this wound up. Especially now. Part of what’s been eating at me is that we do what we do and that it never gets better. We do still need each other. I know I’m not emotionally stable enough to handle the amount of baggage he’s carrying around, and it’s what makes me keep pushing him away.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

I can’t do that anymore.

It’s as simple as the fact that I love him. That I always have. That I always will.

There’s no running away from that.

Posted by Matty on 11/27 at 05:18 PM