my imaginary hockey boyfriend, chrisco :: agganis arena, boston :: february 2010
I have a friend who vanishes - like POOF! vanishes - when she’s in turmoil.
I prefer to shut down… not necessarily shut people out, although it may look like it. I’m not that social a person, so when I shut down, it’s hardly noticeable. I think.
I would really like to shut down now. I was scheduled to shut down this weekend, but life had other plans for me.
Like pain. Physical pain. Lots and lots of pain.
When I finally got the patella tracking thingy in my knees confirmed, the ortho found that I was flat footed and a little knock-kneed, which complicated the patella issue. So I got lifts in my shoes. Two weeks ago, I had a terrible pain in my back. Thought I slipped a disc or something. Nope. My GP thinks, judging by how the pain seems to radiate from my hips, that I’ve managed to basically pull those muscles out of place and shift the joints by wearing the lifts. Fucking. Awesome. I’ve been living in my Chucks for about a week now, since they’re very possibly the worst shoe I can be wearing since they offer no support of any sort.
I’ve pretty much been out of (physical) commission.
And then, because life didn’t suck enough, we moved into our new office space this weekend. Boxes. Lots and lots of boxes. And stairs. Oh, God, the stairs! Granted, I have a very cool office I’m calling the penthouse suite, but I had to carry! heavy! boxes! up! stairs! I thought I consumed lethal amounts of ibuprofen, but I’m still here, so maybe not.
All that to say, that ten years ago, on April 30, my father didn’t answer his phone when I called. From 6:30 AM to Noon. I flew over there in tears, fearing the worst. The landlord had to let me into his apartment because he hadn’t given me my key yet.
And there he was on the couch.
The raw emotion of this milestone has been overpowering, but we’re still shorthanded at work and I had a move to deal with. I’ve been trying to push it back, to make it go away. I need to get through the move. I need to get through the backlog of work I created when I pushed it all aside to pack boxes. I need to deal with a totally hellacious budget meeting on Monday with a computer that refuses to see ANYTHING on the new network. No POS software, no QuickBooks… It’s been an interesting weekend… and it’s only Saturday afternoon.
All I want to do is break down and cry, and mourn, and miss my daddy.
But I can’t. Not this weekend. No matter how badly I need it…
I’ve gone to Albany and Saratoga more times than I can count lately to see Black Mountain Symphony, but I don’t really care about the miles I’m driving or the time I lose in the car. The last weekend in my March was the last gasp of my extended birthday remix. So OF COURSE I headed to Saratoga to see Black Mountain Symphony host “Fiddle Night” at the Putnam Den.
So many random memories - Charlie played guitar! Annie sang “Stop Stopping!” Being called BMS’ number one fan and subsequently being introduced as the “girl who drives from New Hampshire.” Meeting Bear’s new ‘lady friend’ - is she a girlfriend? No… - Annie was so concerned about calling her by the right description, it was absolutely adorable. C-Rollz and Annie covered the Fugees’ “Ready or Not”*. The crazy birthday guy dancing on the stage. “Come Out Ye Black and Tans”(!!!!) I danced my little bottom off. And then some.
(Also noteworthy from that night - Northern Water Snake and Acoustic Trauma. I’ve seen NWS before and they’ve improved drastically since that first show. Acoustic Trauma… well. You really need to hear them. Picture the bald guy from Midnight Oil playing the violin like Johnny from “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” I’m serious.)
As if that wasn’t an amazing enough birthday present… They were playing at Valentine’s the following night!!! I went home with Annie and Charlie. They were house sitting and offered me a bed for the night. How do I say no to a free place to sleep? I woke up next to Winston Churchill. Yes. You read that right… except this Winston Churchill is a huge-ass orange tabby. Actually, huge doesn’t quite do it. He’s huger than huge. And quite the lover. Charlie played “Donegal Danny” on the guitar. His version is far superior to this one. Of course. It was a nice, relaxed day. I did leave them early, so I could check into the Hilton Garden Inn and catch a nap before the show at Valentine’s.
I always have a hard time getting into the show at Valentine’s. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s too small a club, maybe there’s never a decent crowd. For whatever reason, I struggle to lose myself in the music. Eh. Whatever. I was still treated to a fucking awesome show. After BMS played, the Ameros took the stage. I’ve met their drummer, Kiki, and I’ve seen their lead singer, Jesse, at BMS shows, so I was kind of excited to hear them. They played a Sublime cover and a 311 cover - I was in heaven! I remember two random things from their set: 1) Bill shouting “Just when I think I got you figured out, the shit gets so twisted up, it makes a brother want to shout “Heavens to Betsy, girl! There is something wrong with you!” 2) Jesse jumping into the fans to sing “Terminator Seeds”. (Bow down to the new world order!—That song is DANGEROUS. I can NOT drive at a reasonable speed when that song is on.)
Definitely the best way to end my birthday!
Last weekend, we went into Worcester to see BMS and Sound in Stone play at the Raven. Unfortunately, it was Sound in Stone’s last show. I’m too lazy to find the link, but I did blog about meeting Larry the Lumberjack / tuba player at Valentine’s a long time ago. Anyhoo, Orion couldn’t make the trip, so their old bass player, Colin, made the trip. (Now that I’ve written it, I’m not sure that’s his name. Oh well. It’s his name now…) They did an awesome cover of “Billie Jean”. So unexpected! Even more unexpected - the girlfriends made the trip: Bear’s (sorry - “lady friend”), Bill’s, and Rollz’s. It was nice to meet Rollz’s girl, and to see Alex again.
Sound in Stone played “Rowdy” for their last song. Love that song! You can bet I got up and shook my money maker for that! Larry even took his tuba into the crowd during the song. What a great way to end my final Sound in Stone show, even though I’m bummed I didn’t get to see them more. I should have seen them more often - they were close enough. Oh well.
What else happened recently?
OH YEAH! I got the best birthday gift ever when my coworker quit. She and I didn’t get along very well, and after the new ownership really got involved in the day-to-day ops, it was obvious she didn’t want to be there. At any rate, I have the ‘social skills of a gnat’, we created a hostile work environment for her, and the State of NH sided with the liar, but we’re done with her and I couldn’t be happier. It’s down to two people doing the work of four and we’re trying to move into our new building, so work is stressful. AGAIN. (When is it not? Really? I’ve been running a marathon at a sprinter’s pace since February 2010.) My body has also decided to rebel against the large quantities of mold in our current building and I am constantly sick. Headaches, sinus pressure, you name it. Bring it on… in a few more days, I’ll be in my sweet space in the new office and we’ll have a new office manager who doesn’t insult her co-workers or yell at customers. I am a very, very, very happy Tam.
So, anyway, I’m here. I’m alive. Just busy.
*To my friends who have seen BMS cover it at the Hungry Tiger, C-Rollz’s version >>>>> Colin’s. Trust me.