Saturday, June 20, 2009

Broken hearted… literally


neighbor’s cat :: da ‘brook :: may 12, 2008

I haven’t written in my Moleskine since June 6th when I wrote a whole whopping sentence about nothing.  There’s a good reason for the backlog… the events of the past few weeks have been wicked painful to live through, let alone process and put into writing. I’ve barely been blogging about it, too… Partly to protect myself and partly to protect the guilty parties.  Not that my experiences with Lotus Notes haven’t made for compelling reading, but I know most of you are looking for the “real” stuff.

Anyhoo, two boys, two very different issues, two very different endings.  Right now, neither one is an ending I’m happy with, but I’m comfortable with the decisions I’ve made and where they may lead.

I’ve decided to NOT let go of the one friendship I probably should… there’s too much invested in it for a stupid accusation to take me out of the picture.  Sorry. Nothing happened, nothing will ever happen, and you’re just going to have to deal with it. I’ll continue to give you your space, but I’m not going anywhere. Period.

On the other hand, I’ve said goodbye to The Boy. Again. For the last time.

His personal issues drove me to places I didn’t want to go, couldn’t survive going back to.  He almost put me in the hospital twice. The stress I carried - just from listening to his drama - set off my heart.  Yesterday’s little fun was responsible for me leaving work at 10AM and coming within minutes of going to the ER.  (I carry pills to stop the a-fib, but I’m not supposed to take more than two.  I had taken two.)

I just don’t have the words right now to go deeper into it… all I can say is “Goodbye. Have a nice life.  Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Posted by Matty on 06/20 at 07:49 PM