Sunday, May 17, 2009

The universe is much smarter than I am.


apache :: da ‘brook :: april 23, 2009

About 20 years ago, I made friends with this boy.  And then I fell deeply, deeply, in love with him.

My dad loved him like a son and always thought we’d marry each other.  The word ‘soulmates’ had been tossed around more than once by Dad and he never understood why we never dated.  As dad put it, we had a lot to teach each other.

Well, we never did date, but he broke my heart to the point where I could never quite get it back together correctly. I instigated the heart break when I (rather viciously) threw him out of my life.  In retrospect, I know I overreacted in the worst possible way, but what was done was done.  It was, sadly, the proper reaction given how he had betrayed my trust and my state of mind at that particular time. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him again.  If I’d want to see him again or vice versa.  I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I thought I lost him forever and I would google for him from time to time.  I never had any luck finding him and every failure hurt just as much as saying goodbye on that terrible, terrible day. I relived that pain, once a month, for eleven years. Like clockwork.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am incapable of loving someone, anyone, like I love him. Not even my own husband.  It’s hard to describe the power / intensity of our friendship.  I’m sure some of you will understand, but I’m sure there are some of you sitting there, scratching your heads and thinking it’s some kind of disloyalty to my husband.  I didn’t “settle” for my husband in any way, shape, or form, but I can’t help that he doesn’t have whatever it is that I have with The Boy.  We don’t all marry our soulmates - life isn’t that perfect.

Imagine my surprise when I logged into Facebook a few days ago and saw him as a “suggestion”.

I reached out to him, and during several intense phone calls over the course of one day, I was made whole again. It culminated in this text message:

It’s good to have you back… you’ve been terribly missed.

I can’t explain how good it feels to have him back.

I know we still have much to learn from each other and I’m glad we get to pick up where we left off…


Posted by Matty on 05/17 at 02:18 PM