#fuckPutin

Війнами втомлена та ніким не зломлена


July 09, 2022 :: 7:59 AM

My handwriting has improved!

I’m constantly fascinated by the amount of assholery I see in the world. Although I don’t know why… I mean, I’m the biggest asshole I know.

I mentioned - in passing - that I had a Ukrainian lesson this morning. (The first one in five (FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) years.) And I was told that I shouldn’t be wasting my time on a ‘trendy’ language since nobody speaks it in Florida.

Sure.

There isn’t a Ukrainian community in Miami.

There isn’t one in Orlando, either.

And even more importantly, I don’t have an emotional or a biological connection to Ukraine.

Nope.

Also of note: “Why do you have all this Ukrainian crap all over Facebook?” / “Your bio didn’t say anything about being Ukrainian until the war started.”

Whatever.

I was listening to a YouTube playlist the other day and this popped up. I can’t say it’s my favourite OE song, but I might have repeated it once or twice… or seventy eleven billion times, but who’s counting? What I could understand of the lyrics pulled me in, and then Lyrics Translate filled in the blanks.

 

Which is a nice segue to a recap of my Ukrainian lesson…

I told the teacher that I was basically starting from scratch, but it turns out that’s not exactly true.

I can remember the “first chapter” stuff - greetings, how to read the alphabet - but once we get into the meat of the language, I’ll be totally useless. Then again, I’m getting better at reading. A lot of words stand out and I can put together a simple translation of a paragraph or a headline.

I’m also listening to more music than ever before and trying to translate the lyrics, sometimes with absolutely hysterical results. (Remember AND YOU DON’T EVEN BLOW YOUR MUSTACHE, YOU ARRANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!! I still giggle every time I hear that line.)  I’ve been on the lookout for new bands for a while now and I found KALUSH prior to this year’s Eurovision competition but I didn’t put two and two together for a while. It wasn’t until they started getting a lot of exposure that I recognised the rapper’s voice. This song has been on repeat for-fucking-ever during my commute. One, because Slava rapping is a kink I didn’t know I had (I don’t know if it’s rapping… more like over enunciating? Don’t know. Doesn’t matter.) and two, what the fuck is the guy in the pink hat saying?

 

I like learning songs that are hard. (ha. I said hard.)  Guns and Ships from Hamilton. It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) from R.E.M. Диагноз from Бумбокс. The speed of the lyrics. The cadence. Even the way certain words are accented. It’s challenge I love. And one that I’m not all that great at in Ukrainian.

So. KALUSH.

If some of their videos didn’t have the lyrics, I think I would die. He hits certain words weird to make them fit better in his rapid fire style. I maybe understand one or two words each time he goes off because he’s just so fucking fast. Maybe if I was fluent, maybe if I could at least read quicker, if I could speak faster, it wouldn’t be quite so tongue twisty…

Example 1 (a quick teaser of the Eurovision winner because it has the lyrics):

 

Also.. watching him live? Fuck me. How much did he have to practice?!?!?!

(I love this video because it was filmed in Площі Ринок (Market Square) in Lviv. I walked that cobblestone street and I know exactly where it was filmed which makes me happy in ways I can’t explain. Too bad the quality isn’t the greatest.)

Example 2:

(And no. I don’t know what’s up with the “carpet guy”. I should probably google it, but I kind of like not knowing.)

So. Yeah.

I would apologise, because I had a blog set up specifically for my Ukrainian posts, but I don’t like it over there. I’m actually going to shut it down whenever I get to it… I had an idea for a different Ukrainian themed site, but we’ll see where that goes. Probably nowhere right now.

Спи собі сама


June 11, 2022 :: 8:01 PM

fuck, I love Polish…

It’s the very last RTI racery event and I have bitten off more than I can chew… but I always do.

I took yesterday and Monday off - I needed some time to myself and I’m not that busy at work. Plus, it’s the first four days of The Final Battle and I figured that I would cap the first four days.

I had the bright Idea that I would run a mile for every day that Russian has been in Ukraine and donate $1 for each mile. (117 by the end of the event.) I had it planned out perfectly: Four caps would put me at 60 days. I could then cap the final weekend as well, which would push me to 90 before I ran a single mile on a workday.

Well.

I capped yesterday and today… I have not felt like a functional human at all.

I bite my nails. I always have. All the way down to the quick and sometimes a little extra. When I’m super stressed, I always manage to rip the entire nail off one (if not both) of my pinkies.

I saw a hypnotist. I’ve talked about it in therapy. I’ve worn false ones.

And I even bought this shit that was practically guaranteed to keep my fingers out of my mouth.  (Oh. My. God. It was absolutely disgusting… But. It didn’t work.)

Several years ago, I had a great epiphany: I self-harm.

Still haven’t figured out how to get people to understand why I consider it self-harm, but the end result is the same.

Still haven’t figured out how to stop it either.

(Seriously! I saw a fucking hypnotist, I was so desperate to stop doing it. Apparently, I’m so fucked up that they couldn’t figure out a way to help.)

So anyhoo…

In 47 years on this earth, I have never seriously hurt myself. (The pain of a missing fingernail dissipates rather quickly when you’re used to it.)

Well, Thursday night I wound up in Urgent Care.

Managed to rip off my thumbnail and get an infection.

My thumb was swollen to twice it’s normal size and there was a little spot that had turned green.

It was the first time I’d ever been afraid of what I was capable of.

I suppose, in it’s own way, it’s not that much different from a blade slipping and cutting a vein or something.

Of course… in the car Friday morning on the way to the grocery store, I managed to chew off the remaining nails on that hand.

(All that to say I didn’t get in a cap today because I had a bad reaction to the antibiotic they prescribed me.)

This has been on repeat today… I’m not sure why, but it fits my mood perfectly.

 

 

чекай мене, коли все це мине


May 03, 2022 :: 7:37 PM

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about this collab, but it is LOVE. The video kills me… it was filmed in Ukraine, sooooo there’s that. The Ukrainian lyrics reference the way families are being torn apart. Like in Taras’ case, the lyrics speak to the way his wife and children fled the country and are currently living somewhere in New Jersey.

Between a shitty, shitty, shitty day at work caused by both AT&T and the US Government, the war in Ukraine (bombing near Lviv - always good for a heart attack), and Roe vs Wade, I’m fucking done.

Oh! And it would have been my mother’s 76th birthday today. I have no trouble picturing an older version of my father, but my mother is forever 46. It’s hard to wrap my head around it.

So yeah. Crappy headspace. Good song. Exhausted Wendell.

Life, in a nutshell.

УКРАЇНА ПЕРЕМОЖЕ


May 01, 2022 :: 7:08 PM

So.. this has been bouncing around my head for the last few days. It’s really catchy as fuck, and uplifting, and the lyrics make me giggle. Lyrics Translate let me down hardcore, so I’m including the YouTube translation for you.

Leave it to the Ukies to have so much fun with something so terrible. That actually explains a lot about my personality, doesn’t it?

Also, I always lose my shit at Zelenskyy’s wink at the end. ALWAYS.

УКРАЇНА ПЕРЕМОЖЕ

Їхав танк - окупант
На долю неминучу
Башту відірвало йому
Стугною , за Бучу
Полетів окупант ,
Мігом - 35 -м
Для Київського «Привида»
він - здається став 20-м

Горить , палає техніка ворожа рідна Україна переможе
Горить , палає і ще спалахуй Руській корабель іди …Гей, Гей

Ось пливе окупант
В Бердянську десь гальмує
Тепер ворожий десант
Рапанів там годує
Ще про тракторні війска
маю розказати
Бо все ще десь недобре стоїть
Хай буде біля хати

Горить , палає техніка ворожа рідна Україна переможе
Горить , палає і ще спалахуй Руській корабель іди …Гей, Гей

Чорнобаївка є ,
ворогу портал на той світ
Регулярно все , що летить -
завершає там свій політ
Ще лякають ворогів
Наші біо-воїни
Від гусей , курей і голубів
Тікають в різні сторони

Горить , палає техніка ворожа рідна Україна переможе
Горить , палає і ще спалахуй Руській корабель іди …Гей, Гей

      UKRAINE WILL WIN

The occupant was driving a tank, to his inevitable fate…
It’s tower has been torn off by stugna* - for Bucha!

The occupant was flying a plane, the Mig-35…
For the “Kyivian Ghost” he seems to have become the 20th hit.

The enemy’s equipment is burning, burning, bright.
Our motherland Ukraine will win!
Burning bright, and it will burn even brighter!
Russian warship go… hey-hey!

Here comes the occupier. His ship is slowly cruising somewhere in Berdyansk.
Now the enemy navy seals are feeding rapanas* down there.

Also about our tractor troops I have to tell you:
Anything that is left unattended will be then used in our homes and gardens.

The enemy’s equipment is burning, burning, bright.
Our motherland Ukraine will win!
Burning bright, and it will burn even brighter!
Russian warship go… hey-hey!

We also have Chornobaivka*. It’s the portal to another world for our enemies.
Everything that is launched here will regularly have its shameful end here.

We also frighten our enemies with our bio-warriors:
From geese, chickens, and pigeons, they are fleeing in different directions! 

The enemy’s equipment is burning, burning, bright.
Our motherland Ukraine will win!
Burning bright, and it will burn even brighter!
Russian warship go… hey-hey!

*anti-tank guided missile
*Rapana venosa is a large predatory gastropod. (Yikes!)
*The Chornobaivka attacks

 

Розпочали стрільці українські з ворогами тан


April 16, 2022 :: 10:35 AM


Ой у лузі червона калина похилилася,

Чогось наша славна Україна зажурилася.

А ми тую червону калину підіймемо,

А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!

А ми тую червону калину підіймемо,

А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!


If we’re not Facebook friends, you have missed my ongoing documentation of the war in Ukraine. (Actually, consider yourself lucky we’re not FB friends… I’m so tired of the endless posts about the war, too, but I can’t not share.) I watch the news constantly for attacks on Lviv. On a small village that has no reason to be attacked. On Odesa. Further attacks on Kyiv.

My friends are in Ukraine.

MY FAMILY is in Ukraine.

This is personal.

But anyhoo… I have dissected and ressected (? go with it) and dissected again, my feelings about this. I have compartmentalised and have given my shrinky dink enough material to write a fucking book. And yet the war continues and I continue to learn new things about myself.

Like that stubbornness? The drive to survive at all costs? The ability to be an absolute asshole to anyone who has hurt me?

I used to think it was a side effect of growing up with my mother…

And maybe it is, but not because of the alcoholism.

I’m starting to think that’s not nuture, but nature.

Like it’s encoded in my DNA, passed on from generation to generation of stubborn, survival focused, Ukrainian assholes.

I saw it firsthand: my grandparents, my mother, even my aunt.

I saw it in the rest of the Ukrainian community around Hartford.

I see it in myself.

And I see it in every single Ukrainian person that shows up in my newsfeed, on the news, or on a postage stamp.

One of the things we had planned prior to Putin being a putz was to see Boombox in Miami on March 8th.

Every time this song gets posted, I almost always share the link.

Because I love Andriy Khlyvnyuk (the lead singer). I absolutely adore him and the clip of him singing never ceases to amaze me.

It never ceases to make me feel proud of my heritage - of one of my favourite bands - when this shows up on my newsfeed. To have people who have never heard of Boombox talk about Andriy’s voice, to search out his music… it kind of gives me chills the same way hearing the Ukrainian anthem sung in a plaza in Lviv did. Or hearing it sung at an OE concert at Madison Square Garden, surrounded by a bunch of American born Ukrainian teenagers who weren’t old enough to know a Ukraine under Soviet rule.

And then, there’s Antytila. Who have also gone viral, thanks to Ed Sheeran.

There are so many clips of lead singer Taras Topolya singing on news shows, just speaking about the war, how his family is somewhere in the West…

But I’m going to end this post with a fun video.

I mean, how many bands can lay claim to having Zelenskyy, the fucking President of their country, in one of their music videos?

And he’s absolutely hysterical in it, but you can decide for yourself:

 

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